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KKairos

Poetry
And Life Goes On
I Wonder Why
Pocket Dust Attitude

Lyrical
Forget the Formalities
Hypocrite
Break the Rain
Day to Day
Calm
Pine Needles, Because I Can
Confession
Antidote
What is Truth
Strychnine
My Shoes No Joke
Frustration
Life Without Monday
Maiden
Rhyme
Promise of Christ
A Song of School Spirit
Serenade
Ladies' Tea
More Than Ever
To Be
Microcosm
5TRY|< 9 J\/N|

Writing
Fear
What Do You Do?
On Life and Soup
Exploring
Waves
Addict on the Sidewalk

And Life Goes On

Tragedy strikes a nation
And events unfold
We all act goofy
Like we'd never been told
And life goes on

Some five-thousand died today
As we all have heard
I get all moody
'Cause someone said the words
And life goes on

Why can't we just shrug it off?
It's just too gloomy
It gets you thinking
Is heaven that roomy?
And life goes on.

I Wonder Why

The bird surveys the lay of the land
Watching the arrows fly
Looking at those who've given up
And those who've yet to try
The bird wonders why

Why do fools fall in love
Why do they call a ship "she"
Why do I wonder about you and me
With such a small chance it will be

The bird swoops down to lend a hand
With those who've yet to try
Showing them those who've given up
And making them wonder why
The bird pushes them to try

Why do people loath God
Why would they rather live in Nod
Why would they rather live this flawed
Than take a chance on God

I can't answer all these questions can you
But I'll be honest, that much is true
I know how to rhyme
Been green, red, and blue
Honestly I think you should consider
The path you may be taking / Lie you may be making
I'll be honest, that much is true
I don't want to see you hurt you

* The land of Nod is a place in the bible which is east of the Garden of Eden. Cain went there after killing Abel.

Pocket Dust Attitude

Through Everything and everywhere
Are you still there?
I could really care less
What you say about me
Why should I care
When it's all so unclean
If you had a kind word
Then maybe I'd understand
Just what's up with you

* Not directed at anybody I know.

Forget the Formalities

Should sleep
Can't think
Now I'm inspired again
But It's 11 PM
I should put down the pen

Looking out
Rights wrong again
With these thoughts stuck in my brain
Pondering falling rain

Forget the formalities
This is God's golden day
And nothing can take that away

Walking
Thin ice
Why this confusion again
But it's 8 AM
I should pick up the pen

Sitting here
Tilted vision
With a song stuck in my head
Pondering what I've read

Forget the formalities
This is God's golden day
And nothing can take that away

Hypocrite

You wanna say that all the little kids are wrong
That your list of lies is short, and theirs is long
But through it all, the turn and tide
You never thought to look inside
And see that it might be you
Who is untrue

You could say that all the things against you are bad
And that everyone against you must be mad
But through the life, the books, the mope
You never thought to look at hope
And see that it might be you
Who is untrue

You might carry these lies for your whole life
And being yourself down in flames of strife
But through it all, the pain, the fear
You never thought to look past here
And see that it might be you
Who is untrue

Break the Rain

With Your help
I can do the impossible
With Your help
I can catch the sun
With Your help
I can break the rain

Questions slam down like a foot to the floor
Nobody would've cared before
But now these trials seem never ending
On You more now I'm depending
I just wanna find my way through life
Luckily along my way there's a Guide

With Your help
I can do the impossible
With Your help
I can catch the sun
With Your help
I can break the rain

Solace slips away like the catch of the day
Nobody lets me have my say
They're too busy asking me questions
I lean on You so I won't fall now
Sometimes long for days I loathed all this
Sometimes long for days You know I miss

With Your help
I can do the impossible
With Your help
I can catch the sun
With Your help
I can break the rain

Climbing a rainbow like a chimp on a tree
Forgetting all that threatens me
This is how it sometimes seems
Holding on to my outworldish dreams
I find solace in You again Lord
Now I know I'll never let You go

Day to Day

Day to day, Lord
You comfort me
And lead me through the trials of life
Even when I sometimes feel trapped in strife
When I'm confused
Hanging by a hair
Solace slips away
Even then, you're there

If there's one thing that You taught me
It's when I should be sure
Of course of things in heaven
But not of things on earth
You've taught me lessons day to day
You've always helped me find my way

Day to day, Lord...

When fear strikes me deep inside
You show me I don't need to hide
You are a lamp unto my feet
And You're a Friend I'm glad to meet
You've given me grace day to day
You help me when I've lost my way

Day to day, Lord...

I've lost my map so many times
There's deep meaning to these rhymes
When the wise men saw the star
Did they think, "Oh, it's too far?"
Help me to live for You day to day
And help me to stay on my way

Calm

Calm is how I feel
Joyful knowing my secret's out
It's midnight now
And she's known about a week

Calm is how I feel
Failure never smelled so sweet
It's midnight now
And I can have my solace now

Calm is how I am
Feel like I'm flying away
It's midnight now
And I can rest, I'm escaping fear

Calm is how I cam
Knowing my fears will be trampled
It's midnight now
And I'm smiling yet again

Calm is where I am
Finding solace in You, Lord
It's midnight now
And I'm too full of joy to care

Calm is where I am
Failure never smelled so sweet
Calm is how I feel
And she's known about a week
Calm is how I am
Finding solace in You, Lord
Calm is how I am
Watching my fears go away
Calm...
It's midnight now
Calm...
And I'm too full of joy to care
Calm...
Calm...
And I can rest, I'm escaping fear
Calm...

Pine Needles, Because I Can

Tea party in the middle of the woods
Can't say I sweat it man
I deliver the goods
Tea party in the middle of the woods
I wouldn't get it man
I watch them eath the goods
There's a fox
And a rabbit and a squirrel
And the way they eat
Makes me wanna hurl
Tea party in the middle of the woods
Can't say I'd stop it man
Can't say I could
Tea party in the middle of the woods
I deliver the goods
Never said I always would
But it's a
Tea party in the middle of the woods
Couldn't say what I mean
If only then I would
Or maybe I might not
But that'll never change the
Tea party in the middle of the woods
The people eat like animals
The animals use silverware
It's a big tea party
And I think I've told you where
Tea party in the middle of the woods
I'm having so much fun here
Just because I could
The mice eat rice
And turtles give dirty looks
Tea party in the middle of the woods

Confession

I've found it so hard to hide
To keep it all inside
Wondering if I could rest
Until I've confessed

I could let you hear it as the circus monkey sings
I might think in solace to the sound of chiming rings

If you knew what I knew now
You would ask me how
Pelted with this question storm
Repelling the norm

I could keep it inside and not tell you who it is
I might let it out now and show you just who it is

Will I make the same mistake
Life's full of give and take
Should I tell you quite today
Or wait another day

I could wrap my secrets in a cloth of mystery
I might take a chance here and confess who is this she

Antidote

Lord be my antidote
Set me free
Lord be my antidote
Set me free

Tripped into nostalgia
Just the other day
Travel to my past so odd
Made my lose my way
Cafeteria floor
On the feild
Inside outdoors
Get away

Leave me be
My crimson jealousy
I've got no room
For things that keep me bound

Lord be my antidote
Set me free
Lord be my antidote
Set me free

Other night I felt so weird
Pick me up and drop
Crazy things, they happened there
Will my mind just flop
Cafeteria floor
On the feild
Inside outdoors
Get away

Leave me be
My crimson jealousy
I've got no room
For things that keep me bound

Lord be my antidote
Set me free
Lord be my antidote
Set me free

What is Truth?

Well, I know my situation
I know what's tried and true
Well I know my inspiration
And the talk that I still rue
Well, I know just who my friends are
And I know who I can count on
How insulting is too far
And what's really going on
Thornbell told me
That he saw someone pretending
To play a game that never was

If Thornbell told the truth
Someone's gonna end up beaten down, heartbroken
And I'm afraid it won't be me

As I sit here in the daylight
And think of my heart's tear
As I'm looking for an insight
Or some protection to wear
From the truths that permeate
My rosey situation
This man; it was his to create
In my imagination
Thornbell told me
That he saw someone pretending
To play a game that never was

If Thornbell told the truth
Someone's gonna end up beaten down, heartbroken
And I'm afraid it won't be me

What is truth?
What is truth?
Could it be possible that
This person that I've trusted
Would tell a lie to simply
Settle the things within me?
Thornbell told me he saw fool's gold
Shining through a rose

If Thornbell told the truth
Someone's gonna end up beaten down, heartbroken
And I'm afraid it won't be me

Strychnine

It's a calm and tranquil scene
Where communities convene
The guitar plays, it's a peaceful day
But nothing's peaceful on the inside
This strychnine has entered my veins
One of those things that grabs you by the reins
And all my friends have got me laughing
But nothing's peaceful on the inside

Get away please get away
Don't torment me anymore
Show me how to face this Lord
Be my antidote

Monsters up inside my brain
Jealousy is my disdain
Don't listen, it'll drag me down
Still nothing's peaceful on the inside

Get away please get away
Don't torment me anymore
Show me how to face this Lord
Be my antidote

I, I will not sink
I'll more than swim
I will fly into the heavens by You
I, I will not sink
I'll more than swim
I will fly into the heavens by You, Lord

Get away please get away
Don't torment me anymore
Show me how to face this Lord
Be my antidote

My Shoes"

Well once I was walking
On the sidewalk with a friend
Told him about my dilemmas
And all the confusion
He told me "I'd hate to be in your shoes"
So i turned around and I told him what I was thinking
Told him he didn't really understand

You don't understand my shoes!
You don't understand what I'm going through!

Well once I was walking
On the sidewalk with a friend
Told him about my smiles
And all the joy I'd had
He told me "I'd love to be in your shoes"
So I turned around and I told him what I was thinking
Told him he didn't really understand

You don't understand my shoes!
You don't understand what I'm going through!
You don't understand my shoes!
You don't understand what I'm going through!
Does anybody understand?

Well, I looked out...
And I remembered everything...
All the times You've comforted me
All the times You've been willing to spare an ear
All the times You've just been my friend
And I know the truth
You understand me, Lord
You understand my shoes

You understand my shoes!
You understand all I'm going through!
You understand my shoes!
You understand all I'm going through!

Frustration

Looking / through a distortion at you
But then
How would I be construed...
If I spoke?

Frustration refuses to leave me alone
Maybe I should find my own way home

Playing / on a piano to you
And now
When I do speak, I
Wonder why

Frustration refuses to leave me alone
Maybe I should find my own way home
Who can help me along the way?

So I've spoken
And it's up to you to respond
Until then, I'll just be confused again

No Joke

Well I'm sorry if what I said just didn't strike your fancy
I'm sorry if you don't like what's coming out of my mouth
And I'd like to stay and chat but I prefer to be left alone
RIGHT NOW

Can't you see
Can't you see
It's only me acting like the usual me
Insecurity
Runs around with imagination
They merge and become paranoia

So you can walk away if you're gonna be respectful
Or you can look right here if you wanna see me cry
So you can walk away if you're gonna be respectful
Or you can look right here if you wanna see me cry

Well I'm sorry if my advice is insufficient to your problem
I'm sorry if you don't like what my heart has to say
And I'd like to say that I'm wrong, but I prefer to speak truth
NO JOKE

Can't you see
Can't you see
It's only me acting like the usual me
Insecurity
Runs around with imagination
They merge and become paranoia

So you can walk away if you're gonna be respectful
Or you can look right here if you wanna see me cry
So you can walk away if you're gonna be respectful
Or you can look right here if you wanna see me cry

Why must I feel these tears again?
be a human being?
Why must I go through these trials again?
be a human being?
Why must I feel my fear again?
be a human being?
Why must I take all this stuff again?
be a human being?
Why must I be such a hypocrite?
be a human being?
Why must I feel so insignificant?
be a human being?

There is hope
There is hope
It's seeking me acting like the usual me
Yahweh Yeshua
Runs around with my heart and soul
Inspired I become broken
Inspired I come to Christ again
Inspired I come to Christ again

So you can walk away if you're gonna be respectful
Or you can look right here if you wanna see me cry
So you can walk away if you're gonna be respectful
Or you can look right here if you wanna see me cry

Life Without Monday

They say that Monday is prophetic,
I say that Monday is a drag.
I pick up the morning paper,
And like my modem, I'm stuck in this lag.

I'd like to say that one bad day
Is bound to define the whole of my time
But Monday has no power over me
And you can say
"Life without Monday would be great,
We'd be running free,"
But then you'd be lying to yourself
And lying to me.
Because then, Tuesday would take over, and it would be...

MONDAY!

Maiden

Why can't you tell the truth
If you knew God could see through you
What do you think He'd see
Why can't you just be real
If you knew everyone saw through you
What do you think we'd see

A fragile maiden
About to become a mountain
Because of the paradox she built in her mind
Over and over
Destined to erupt
A couple thousand years from now

Why do you build it up inside
If you knew God could see through you
What do you think He'd see
Why do you build up hate's evil cry
If you knew everyone saw through you
What do you think we'd see

A fragile maiden
About to become a mountain
Because of the paradox she built in her mind
Over and over
Destined to erupt
A couple thousand years from now

If you intend on staying in your dungeon
And waiting for your ideal prince
Then let me tell you, He's past and gone
There's only one way to escape
And that's to let go of your hate

Because a maiden is what you are
Can't you see them fighting over you?
Because a maiden is what you wanted to be
Is it not?
Well it's about time you woke up
And realized there's no ideal

Stop it, before it's too late

A fragile maiden
About to become a mountain
Because of the paradox she built in her mind
Over and over
Destined to erupt
A couple thousand years from now

Rhyme

I'm going so fast
I don't know what hits me
I'm going so fast
I don't care what hurts me
Melancholy
Gaps are where they shouldn't be
Phone poles pass by
With a life of their own

And I know I could plow right through
But at the same time, everything's so blue
And then this whole time, I'm still trapped in this rhyme
Leaving a part of myself behind

Not really thinking
Random things in my brain
And pains don't stab
They just keep on stinging
Frustration
Eats away at my brain
Showered in
This awkward displace

And I know I could plow right through
But at the same time, everything's so blue
And then this whole time, I'm still trapped in this rhyme
Leaving a part of myself behind

Everything feels so abstract
It all makes me feel so detached

And I know I could plow right through
But at the same time, everything's so blue
And then this whole time, I'm still trapped in this rhyme
Leaving a part of myself behind
And then this whole time, I'm still trapped in this rhyme
Leaving a part of myself behind
And then this whole time, I'm still trapped in this rhyme
Leaving a part of myself behind
And then this whole time, I'm still trapped in this rhyme
Leaving a part of myself behind

Promise of Christ

Jesus, You are my Lord
You capture my sin
It cannot escape Your prison
Christ, You are my Savior
You banish my sin
It cannot enter Your kingdom
Lord, You are the only Way
You show me life
And my life rests in Your hands
Myself, I am imperfect
I sin daily
My sins are Yours to rebuke
You are the Perfect Leader
I am speechless
My words are Yours to write

If I could say
I always follow You
Then this life would surely be unture
I lay down my mistakes
My thoughts, my dreams
They are Yours--I am Yours
Do with me as You please

A Song of School Spirit (When You)

We're gettin psyched up,
Cause it's about to start.
It's the big game,
Take what I say to heart!

Cause when ya kick that ball,
I say you coulda warned me it was comin'!
When you make that shot,
Coulda told them get a rebound!
When you make that catch,
Coulda done without the sun!
Hit that home run,
Coulda hit without the pitchers' "wit"!

We'll all know it's game day!
We'll all know it's game day!

Serenade

You know it's kinda funny
No matter what
It always comes out this way
Whoever I end up liking
Never likes me back
Do you find it funny?

There's a lot of humor in this
This serenade
Honestly speaking
I'm too chicken to say any of this
So I'll just serenade, like this
But never at your front door, oh no
I'm too chicken

You know it's kinda crazy
I always stop
Before I can say anything
Whoever I am thinking of
Is way out of my league
Do you find it funny?

There's a lot of humor in this
This serenade
Passing by you now
Too chicken to say it to you
So I'll just serenade like this
But never at your front door, oh no
I'm too chicken

Could you learn to like a chicken
Could you learn to like someone different
Preppy or pop or something else?

Ladies' Tea

[Spoken]
Sung

[This song was written about gossip, particularly when it shows how amazingly hypoctrical people are. Gossip invades even God's own church. I gossip myself sometimes, so I have no problem admitting that guys gossip too.]

This song wasn't conceived
Purely to please,
This song wasn't written
For the perfect Christian.
What I'm trying to say
Is that when gossip invades,
That the only way it stops
Is if we cease!

Everything is fancy,
Everybody's free,
Everyone is gossiping
It's the ladies' tea!

[Did you hear about Mary Jane? She let out Katherine's secret affair. She's not a very good Christian!]

This song wasn't conceived
Purely to please,
This song wasn't written
For the perfect Christian.
What I'm trying to say
Is that when gossip invades,
That the only way it stops
Is if we cease!

Everything is fancy,
Everyboy's free,
Everyone is gossiping
It's the ladies' tea!

Say, Christianity could use a kick.
All of this stuff it makes me sick!
Why can't we all quit talking
About the people we are mocking
Although we claim
All the same
That we are perfectly loving

[Did you hear about Zelda? She was talking about Mary Jane for letting out Katherine's secret affair? She's not a very good Christian!]

Everything is fancy,
Everyboy's free,
Everyone is gossiping
It's the ladies' tea!

More Than Ever

Look at me, look at all the time I've wasted
Trying to prove that I am right
And everyone else is wrong
Look at me, look at all the strength I've taken
Trying to prove that I don't need You
"I'm fine on my own"

A rail with the safest steel
To keep me from falling in the sea
A tower with the tallest top
To hide me from the rain that falls
An eagle with the biggest wings
To shelter me when life goes wrong
It's true
I need You, now more than ever!

Look at me, look at all the big mistakes
That I tried to justify
In the corners of my mind
Look at me, look at all the trials made
That I try to do without
The Savior I should trust

A rail with the safest steel
To keep me from falling in the sea
A tower with the tallest top
To hide me from the rain that falls
An eagle with the biggest wings
To shelter me when life goes wrong
It's true
I need You, now more than ever!

Look at all the time I've wasted
Look at all the strength I've taken
Look at all the big mistakes
Look at all the trials made

A rail with the safest steel
To keep me from falling in the sea
A tower with the tallest top
To hide me from the rain that falls
An eagle with the biggest wings
To shelter me when life goes wrong
It's true
I need You, now more than ever!

To Be (chorus paraphrased from James 1:19-20)

It seems that if I tried
I'd hold it all inside
And blow up at the people that I love
It seems that it's enough
To vent and to be rough
And blow up at the people that I love
...So that's what I'm doing anyways...
But that's not

Quick to listen
Slow to speak
Slow to anger
Righteousness
Means we're meek
That's hard to be
Hard to be that way

Sometimes it seems this commandment
Is too hard; is that what the man meant?
So I'll give it a go
And take it slow
And see if I can be

Quick to listen
Slow to speak
Slow to anger
Righteousness
Means we're meek
That's hard to be
Hard to be that way
But maybe
Just maybe
It can be done

Microcosm

Looking around for something to blame
Societyís your scapegoat, to you itís all the same
Full of evils that mislead you
And people who mistreat you
So that you canít see yourselfó
That little speck of dust that clogs your eye

You want to blame the world you can see
But you canít see yourself

Looking around for something thatís new
Societyís your center, but to you itís always blue
Full of new things that entrance you
And the wrong ways to enhance you
So that you canít see yourselfó
That huge wooden plank that clogs your eye

You want to blame the world you can see
But you canít see yourself

Break away
From your little world, so that you can see yourself
You can see more than the outside of yourself
Break away
From your microcosm, so that you can see your plank
You can see it in the heart that is within you

Looking around for something to blame
Societyís my scapegoat, to me itís all the same
Full of new things that entrance me
And the wrong ways to enhance me
So that I cantí see myselfó
That huge wooden plank that clogs my eye

I want to blame the world I can see
But I canít see myself

Break away
From my little world, so that I can see myself
I can see more than the outside of myself
Break away
From my microcosm, so that I can see my plank
I can see it in the heart that is within me

5TRY|< 9 J\/N|

Itís a calm and tranquil scene
Where communities convene
A guitar plays; itís a peaceful day
But nothingís peaceful on the inside
Of my heart
As everything seems to pull apart
And I tell it to go away
But it stays put cause it wants to stay
This strychnine is in me

Get away please get away
Let me be
Lord please be my antidote
Set me free

This strychnine is in my veins
One of those things that grabs you by the reins
Iíve got my friends; just one dead end
Still nothingís peaceful on the inside
Of this rhyme
And I know I could plow right through
But I know itíll still be blue
And this whole time Iím trapped in this rhyme
This strychnine is in me

Get away please get away
Let me be
Lord please be my antidote
Set me FREE!

These things up inside my brain
Jealousy is my disdain
And this one rhyme will bend the time
Till nothingís peaceful on the inside
Of my heart
As everything seems to pull apart
And I tell it to go away
But it stays put cause it wants to stay
This strychnine is in me

I feel the rain pouring down on my face / As I attempt bitterly to reconcile this race / The scenery outside so beautiful is no worse for the wear / It seems as though it aims to pass me without a care /ĎCause Iím going so fast I canít tell what Iím hitting / And yet so slow as I feel my soul splitting / I feel the heart within me is betraying / As I attempt sparingly to keep it from straying / The moon outside is bright tonight and no worse for the wear / And maybe it will shine on me and show others this tear / ĎCause Iím running so far that whatís right is distant / And yet Iím stuck so near I could find right in an instant

Get away please get away
Let me be
Lord please be my antidote
Set me FREE!

And I
I wanna fly far, far away
I wanna fly with You, Lord
And I
I wanna fly up, up away
I wanna fly with You, Lord
And leave behind the rhyme
The strychnine

These things up inside my brain
Jealousy is my disdain
And this one rhyme will bend the time
Till nothingís peaceful on the inside
Of my heart
As everything seems to pull apart
And I tell it to go away
This time it goes out cause I finally pray
This strychnine has left me

And so I sing it once again
But the words arenít all the same

Went away it went away
It let me be
Lord you are my antidote
You set me FREE!

I now fly up, up away
I now fly with You, Lord
Iíve left behind the rhyme
The strychnine
I now fly up, up away
I now fly with You, Lord

Fear

Fear really is a funny thing. The way it keeps your running. Makes you think you don't want to let a secret out. And when you start getting the urge to let out that secret, you think "No, that'll just make things worse."
I've got a lot on my mind right now, folks, so don't mind me if I don't make much sense. Let's say this much. Awhile back my friends got involved in things regarding myself that they probably shouldn't have. Or, in the last, it wasn't really any of their business. And for anyone who may know what I mean by this, I mean even farther back than that.
And it all blew up in my face. My secret got out, and, well, yeah.
And then, later...months later...To quote Secret of Mana, "Time flows like a river, and history repeats." Friends got involved with my life, parts of it that again weren't any of their business. And it all blew up in my face. And until tonight, I thought the second time around wasn't quite as bad...more joy, less anguish afterwards....
And, well, can't tell you exactly why happened this time...too personal and too many people who might read this are involved. Anyway...
Fear kept me running all that time, and until tonight I thought maybe I was getting away from fear. Finally. This has to be the worst Christmas present I've ever gotten.

What Do You Do?

First of all, to anybody who's read "fear"...this ties into last night. However, the thing that made me REALLY afraid again...that's gone now.
What do you do when a friend comes to you and asks you something about another friend...and even though you're not 100% sure you should you say you'll keep the question a secret. What do you do when you know it won't end well? When you think people could get really hurt by it? What do you do when someone hides something from you-- something you may have wanted to know? What do you do when you have relief one moment, and the next it's all gone and you're back to chaos? What do you do when it feels like there's a war going on inside and you know who you're fighting for...but it just gets old sometimes, knowing that war's going on?
What do you do when you wonder if the person you have a thing for will ever view you as possibly being *anything* more than a friend? What do you do? You reach out for God and find solace in Him. But you still wonder. There's too much stuff in this world that won't end well. And I mean waaay too much stuff. Take murder, war, etc. for instance. Those things aren't gonna end well.
What do you do? Sometimes it just makes you think.

On Life and Soup
(Minus the old Quote of the Day it had)

(Written awhile back)

I'm sitting here at my mom's computer listening to my friend CF talk about soup. Life isn't like soup at all. Just an FYI, I suppose. (Written Later) I'd like to take a moment to put out some thoughts on human thought. I know because it happened to me once that a small seed can be planted -- a seed as small as a pressure put on oneself by another -- and that this small seed can grow into paranoia and fear. Fear is one of the darkest feelings humans get. It's sort of like the feeling you get around someone you like, but it's got a different feel to it--and it's active in your mind as well as down in your stomach. It can make you nauseous, even. Best thing I know of to do is to talk about it, but not too much, and ask God to help you through it. He helps me with my fears and paranoia, and is still doing so.

Exploring
(Written awhile back)

Down. Falling--gonna hit whatever it is with your face. Colors, all around you. Swirling like gasses on Jupiter, and making up the walls around you. You try and touch the walls, but your hands go right through them. You stry and escape, but somehow you stay trapped, falling farther still.
Suddenly you feel like there's no gravity. Then you feel gravity again. It keeps switching, until it's able to keep you just floating. Then the gravity comes on again. After what feels like an hour of falling but seems like a ten-foot drop, you land. You pick your head up and look around.
The same gasses swirl around, the same colored "walls" surround this place. In the cneter, there's a huge ball of silvery, watery-looking gunk bound together. Thoughts, which appear to be coming from that entity, fill your mind. You try and push the stream of thoughts from your head, and after a little bit they begin to subside. You notice you have a huge headache as the thoughts echo around your mind.
You feel drawn in towards the silvery, watery entity. You move slowly towards it. You stop about a foot from it, and hear the thought, Touch me. Slowly, cautiously, you reach out a hand. You put it into the watery thing. You pull your hand out, and see that it is holding a rose with a silvery stem and rainbow pebbles. Beautiful, but not without its thorns. Dark, but not without its good points.
You begin to float. Higher and higher, until you leave the place and find yourself sitting in class with the teacher cracking a joke. You realize what that place, that thing, and that rose were. The human mind. No, deeper than that. The human psyche. <

Waves / 12-01-2002

     There is a planning meeting going on when they walk into the room. One is shorter, one is taller, one is Asian, and one is Caucasian. When the first, Dau, walks into the room, he is greeted with a warm reception. He hugs his friends and tehn joins the meeting for awhile. THe second, Billy, comes in later, and is greeted in the same way. Everyone, including myself, are happy to see them. We shout their names when we see them. Both are athletic, but not popular because of that or the way that they act when others are around or some other shallow thing--they are popular with others because they do not tear others down or act like they're the hest thing since sliced bread. Friends like that sometimes seem all too rare to me. And then, these particular two have to leave for college.
     These friends come and go like waves on a beach. You and your friends stand out on the beach, where the ground dives underwater. You plant your feet in the damp sand and wait for the waves to come in. They come in full glory, seeming almost unstoppable. They calm down a little as they meet your feet, bringing a rush of coldness to them. There is a moment where the waves reach their highest point. They laugh with you and they talk with you. You can see them, hear them. Then they leave, back into the ocean, leaving you and your friends both sad and overjoyed at the same time. That is the way it feels talking to Dau and Billy. They came just three days ago, and soon they'll have to leave. They're going to be back soon--later in December--but the feeling remains. I guess the best thing to do is think about when they are there, instead of when they are away.

Addict on the Sidewalk / 10-30-2001
Walt walked quickly down the street, trying to make his next appointment. He needed to make that sale today. Along the way he tripped and fell onto the sidewalk. A homeless-looking man was nearby, smoking something illegal, and commented on Walt's misfortune. "Funny. Bigger they are, harder they fall. S'true, big boy."
     "What's your point?"
     The man inhaled whatever it was he was smoking, and kept going, ignoring Walt's question. "You know, you can't control when you fall. Kinda like with me. Had everythin' going, then I ran into Mr. Crack here. Couldn't resist 'im."
     "I can control when I fall."
     "Even if you were stronger than me..." the man paused and inhaled again. "Anything could happen. You could die anytime, anyplace, and never know what hit ya. You could lose everything on the stock market. Me, I lost everything on a drug. Now look at me. I'm worthless to anyone else."
     Walt picked himself up and walked away, with the addict rambling on. He tried to push the addict's words out of his head, but couldn't. He knew the man was right, and unusually wise for someone like him. But maybe people like him weren't dumb just because of what they indulged in. Maybe people like him had just fallen prey to a bad addiction.
     The next day, as Walt passed by the homeless man, he stopped. "Sir, you know they have rehab."
     "Hardly ever been able to find a place. When I can, I can't get off my crack."
     Walt thought for a moment, then said, "Yesterday, you said some things that hit me pretty hard. You said some things I never expected to hear from a guy like you. You changed me. I owe you something in return."
"Like what?"
     "How about giving rehab another try? I'm going to help you. Visit you every day. Maybe you can get rid of this bad hand you picked up."
     The homeless man paused, as if in deep thought, and then said, "It's a deal."

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